My word that I chose for 2020 was ‘uncomfortable.’

I know it’s a weird word to choose but there was something in my heart to just want to seek chaos. To get stirred up a little. To break some spiritual, emotional, mental and of course, physical muscle.
I chose this word knowing full well that I was leaving the safety nest of Facebook and entering the world of a solo consultant which had its ups and downs.

What I couldn’t have predicted and I’m sure no one could have was how soon the downs came.

The first 3 months started miracuously. There’s no other way to put it. I was able to secure 2 contracts with 2 startups that were building some crazy cool technologies with wireless charging power systems and industrial robotics. I had a role that maximized my strengths but stretched me just enough to grow. I worked with incredibly smart, kind and funny teammates and a ridiculously awesome 5min commute 3 times a week and WFH the other 2. (Of course now it’s 100% remote :D) It was everything I had envisioned and prayed for.

2020 was going exactly, if not even better than what I had planned for.

Then COVID-19 hit and things changed almost overnight.

The two contracts that I thought were secured until the end of June ended.
The mid-April trip to Greece that Noelle and I planned to take a breather from all the hustle had to be postponed.

And I was left wondering, Who the heck is going to hire in this unstable, down economy? How am I going to hit the financial goals I had in place if I’m not working these next few months? What’s going to happen if things don’t change soon? Will I have to leave the self-employed life so soon and go back?!

These were all practical and reasonable questions to ask and consider (and am still considering…) but somehow amid all the noise and distraction, I got kind of excited.

I remembered my word, uncomfortable.

Wow, what an opportunity. What an opportunity to capitalize on this moment to be in a position of surrender. What perfect timing my Father has in utilizing this situation to search my heart, to test it, to purify it so that I can be refined and grow to be more like Christ.

What an opportunity it could be if I allowed it!

Noelle and I were reading the Word just this evening, specifically Matthew chapter 8 and we were reflecting on all the incredible miracles Jesus was performing. But what struck us more was the different reactions all the characters in these miracles had. Some like the centurion acted beautifully, knowing full well who Jesus was and what authority He carried. Some like his very own disciples acted doubtfully when the storm was raging. Some acted fearfully of His power and asked Jesus to leave their town even after seeing Him heal a townsman.

How am I going to respond when uncontrollable and uncertain seasons come up?

So far, I’m feeling excited.

I’m excited knowing seasons like these only come ever so often. That it’s seasons like these where I’ve grown the most in. I’m excited that it happened this early in my self-employed journey and the foundations that it’s going to be built for the long run.

I’m thankful that it’s reminding me so much more now of who I am and whose I am. I’m thankful that I get to share this story in the middle of the storm knowing full well that there’s going to be an awesome testimony after this passes. I’m thankful that I get to reflect after this is over and just be in awe of how He provided, just as He’s done before, as He’s done now and as He will forever. I’m thankful I get to just know a little bit more about who God is. He’s good, like always good. That he knows my every thought and loves me way too much to leave me as I am. I’m thankful that He’s given me a sound mind that can organize the chaos and put into action things I can control in finding new clients. I’m thankful that I get to choose joy and simply receive peace during this chaos.

I’m thankful for this uncomfortable season. And I know there will be many more to come as I go along this journey.

What will tomorrow bring? I have no idea. But today was a great day. I spent all day with my drop-dead gorgeous wife. I sat on the couch with my mini tiger dog, Hapa. And I rested in His presence knowing that no matter happens in these next few months with my job and career, that it’s going to be good.